Power of the Ookii Ass
by EbbyGothic
Summary: A Hunger Games parody featuring the boys and there two new fan fiction writing friends.


A/N – Here's another one shot featuring the antics of the entire crew. My amazing friend XxDarkSarcasm1010xX and I spent hours back and forth, writing paragraphs, tweeking each other's, reading, reviewing and making this perfect for you all. Finally we finished and came up with this amazing piece of literature and happily agreed to name is Power of the Ookii Ass (Ookii means big or large you'll have to read it to understand why we went with this.) So to sum it up this was a time consuming labour of love on both parts so be sure to contact her as well and give this sites best and favourite review whore some feedback because we're a team and honestly after having the pleasure of witnessing our joint efforts I think it'll be that way for a while. Anyway I'll shut up now….. Enjoy.

* * *

Cartman's POV –

Fucking South Park elementary. Calling us in on a Saturday. Who do they think they are? I lined up in the snow awaiting the news that just had to be told on the first day of my precious weekend. I'd received a text from Kenny. He had a great surprise for us all. Kyle and Stan walked up standing beside me. We didn't speak, just stared, tired and pissed off that the school now had the power to do this.

Kenny came and stood with us. He began to incoherently mumble. I squinted my eyes in anger, I should still be in fucking bed.

"Woah dude, slow down. What are you trying to say?" Stan said. Kenny took a breath then we heard a familiar voice.

"He's trying to say he has visitors." Vi announced from behind.

We turned to see the two Canadians standing before us looking fresh and rested. Tweek noticed and came to stand with us, his friend Kevin following.

"Who are they?" Kevin asked Stan as they whispered together.

"Not these fucking bitches again." I sighed loudly stretching my arms. Kenny glared at me as he began mumbling again. I grinned wickedly as Principal Victoria tapped the microphone and I knew it was time to shut down and ignore whatever was being said.

Kenny's POV -

"Students of South Park elementary…We've been called upon to be involved in a competition of sorts. This is a great honour that could allow South Park Elementary to receive riches beyond belief in the form of half a million dollars in the form of prize money!" Principal Victoria announced.

I turned glaring toward Kevin and Tweek who weren't paying attention as they bugged Vi and Kenna, who didn't look at all pleased by the boys advances.

"In this goblet is the name of every student in the school. Mr Mackey will draw two names as tribute. One male and one female to represent our school." She added.

The crowd was silent, not even a breath could be heard. No one knew exactly what the game required, so most of the students were currently praying their name's weren't the ones drawn.

For some reason Cartman stood with his fingers crossed as he anxiously stared toward the stage.

"The male tribute is Eric Cartman…Mmmmkay." Mr Mackey announced. Cartman took a deep breath and wiped sweat from his brow. Before anything else could be said I raised my hand.

"I'll go in his place." I said, sacrificing myself for Cartman. Cartman gasped and lunged toward me hands extended.

"You bastard! Kenny, you fucked me! You bent me over and fucked me! You poor, money stealing piece of white trash! That was my half a million, mine!" Cartman snarled, clawing at my face as he knocked me to the ground. Guards dressed in black came and dragged the bastard away, but his ranting continued. After Cartman couldn't be heard anymore the seas of students turned back to the stage, silent, awaiting Mr Mackay's next draw from the cup.

"Our female tribute…mmmkay is...wait who?" He trailed off moving toward Principal Victoria. The principal read the slip and shrugged. I felt the tension building up around me as every girl in the room looked frightened but secretly hoped she'd be the one in the spotlight. Principal Victoria approached the mic again. She took a deep breath. What was going to happen in this fucked up town now?

Kenna's POV –

I stood watching intently. I don't know why because it was just something Vi and I had tagged along too with Kenny who was hosting us for the weekend we were visiting. The woman with the fuzzy blonde hair walked up to the microphone and breathed deeply.

"Is there a McKenna O'Leary here?" She asked. Vi and Kenny glanced toward me. I threw my hand up in the air. The woman on stage looked at me and nodded.

"Excuse me…but I'm just visiting from Canada. Can someone tell me how my name got in the fucking goblet?" I shouted across the crowds. Everyone looked to me and Vi chuckled. I shook my head.

"She's not even a student here, how did she end up as the female tribute to represent our school?" A smug, snooty dark haired female asked. The blonde didn't even answer she just walked offstage talking to the balloon headed man with her. I looked to Vi and Kenny who were laughing at my outburst.

"This fucking place is unbelievable…This shit wouldn't happen back home." I explained.

"Seriously the female tribute should be strong willed, smart and American." The loud mouthed noirette continued. I noticed Vi staring her down the look in her eyes dark and animalistic as she shot the girl a stare that could've bore a hole through her body.

"Vi, penny for your thoughts?" I teased. Vi glanced at me and shook her head.

"No nothing Kenna." She answered as I felt a hand come down on my shoulder.

I looked up to see one of the guards who had dragged Cartman away. One took me and another took Kenny. Before I was lead away I tightly hugged my bestie.

"I dunno when I'll be back Vi." I stated. She smiled a wicked toothy grin.

"I'll be fine, got plenty here to occupy me." Vi replied vaguely. Before I could question anymore I was escorted through the crowd to a small dingy room. Kenny and I were thrown inside. God fucking dammit, this day was beginning to get crazy. How could it possibly get worse.

Kenny's POV –

I fell on the ground in a pile with Kenna. We stood up dusting our clothes down. We then gazed upon principal Victoria as she entered the room.

"Kenny, you're a sweet boy. Are you sure you want to volunteer for this, it could be dangerous." She asked. I shrugged.

"Doesn't matter to me, better me than Cartman. I can actually run and move unlike that fat fuck. The school has a better chance of winning without his fat ass dragging us down." I mumbled. Principal Victoria nodded. She moved onto Kenna, slowly looking her over.

"Healthy enough, seems tough although Canadian." Principal Victoria scoffed. Kenna folded her arms and bit her bottom lip almost sensing me begging her not to start shit.

The principal explained the games and all we'd have to do for us to be victorious. We'd be dumped in a forest no food, no water outside the city with five other teams from surrounding schools. We'd be given weapons of our choosing and there'd be five checkpoints. To reach the checkpoints we'd have to complete a simple task and race the other teams. The final team to arrive at each checkpoint was eliminated from the games. If a member of any team died the whole team was out. The games sounded simple enough but you never know with anything like this. Upon hearing the terms Kenna and I both nodded accepting our fate blindly.

Mr Mackay then entered the room.

"I'm here to take your orders for weapons mmmkay." He said in his usual monotone voice. I smirked.

"I'll have a AK47 and loads of ammunition." I shrieked excitedly from inside my parka. He turned to my partner. She grinned.

"I want a pair of Samurai swords. Good folded steel, balanced and well weighted. Don't scrimp I'll be able to tell. Also I need the sheaths to be able to be worn across my back if you can arrange it." She stated. Mr Mackay stood staring at the young girl taken aback.

"Mmmmkay then, I didn't expect that today." He said still staring at Kenna. She smiled and glanced back toward me as Mr Mackay left the room. She shrugged.

"I'm passionate about weapons." She laughed.

Fog began to flood the room. Kenna and I hit the floor, drifting off into a dream land. I imagined all the horrible tasks they'd have set up for us; I couldn't do horrible I had a knack for dying. If I died we both lost, meaning my school lost. I couldn't lose. I'd just have to be extra careful.

Kyle's POV –

It took me a good five minutes to realize what the hell was going on. In the matter of a few seconds Kenny had volunteered himself to take part in a practical slaughtering in place of Eric Cartman.

There was a perfectly good opportunity to have Cartman killed in front of everyone's eyes and Kenny had just, he had just decided to play mother fucking Teresa?!

"Dude what the fuck!" I pulled my ushanka over my eyes as I shook my head, fuck I hated Cartman. I was actually nervous for Kenny and Kenna. This was sadistic even for south park standards.

Stan grabbed my shoulder and gave me a concerned look, "hey dude are you alright?"

I blinked owlishly, "Stan, did you seriously just ask me that? Our friends have just been sent off to be killed when Eric Cartman could have been there instead! What the fuck is wrong with this town!"

Vi made a sound of agreement as she pointed towards the giant television screen in the middle of the school parking lot. It was an overhead view of the tows park, but it had been fenced off.

Stan pointed, "Jesus Christ dude, Kenny's got a gun!"

I pushed through the crowd to get a better look at the screen, and sure enough there was Kenny in his orange parka glory was holding a giant gun and covered in reels of ammunition.

My mouth dropped when I looked at the duel blades Kenna was wielding, her eyes practically shimmered in glee.

"You think Kenny's got a chance?" Stan asked as he watched the two run off towards their first checkpoint.

Scoffing, I shook my head, "Kenny's going to need a miracle."

Kenna's POV –

This is great. I've never been able to just slice someone in half before. That's definitely something on my bucket list. I give a practice swipe at a tree, my lips curling upwards as it makes a clean cut.

Kenny gave an amused laugh, "you make it look easy."

"Mmm, I can't wait to actually find some people." I grinned devilishly.

A speaker blared overhead, snapping my focus off of Kenny.

"Welcome to the first hunt. Your first task is to find and kill a meal, cook it, and bring it towards the west fence check point. The last team will be eliminated. The hunt starts now!"

Kenny fist pumped, "I've got this in the bag!"

I quirked a brow, not exactly convinced at the blondes eagerness.

Kenny shifted the gun onto his shoulder and took aim, his eyes looking for any sort of wildlife. The flutter of a bird caught his attention, and the gun snapped to attention as he pressed the trigger.

I covered my mouth as laughter burst out of me. Kenny had been thrown back onto his orange clad ass from the aftershock, but at least he had hit the bird.

"Oh shit, this thing has some kick." He growled, "anyways, how did I do?"

I walked over to the...bird, and picked it up.

"Well, there's a wing left...and the rest of it is a pulp of bird mash. So yea, this is good enough for me." I shrugged, "you know how to make a fire?"

Kenny sighed, before pulling something out of his pocket: a cherry red lighter, "like I said, I've got this in the bag."

After effectively burning the wing to a black charred mess, we sprinted towards the checkpoint, stopping to hide in the trees for the other groups. There was a table set up, and only 2 more parcels, meaning 2 groups had already been here.

I took the wing and flung it onto the table, grabbing a parcel and shoving it under my arm.

"Look out!" Kenny barked out.

I spun around and used the parcel as a shield, noticing a dart sticking out of it. My eyes furrowed in confusion then anger, "who the fuck picks a dart as their weapon? Seriously! Idiots!"

I didn't even bother to pull out my sword, instead I ran back to Kenny and opened the parcel.

Vis POV –

I stood in the huddle with the other guys. Cartman still hadn't been seen again. He must've really fucked up this time. From the stories I heard, Cartman was an asshole, and often did stupid or demented shit usually coming out of it with zero consequence. But just maybe, this time his big mouth, inflated ego and his fat head had gotten him into a situation he couldn't talk his way out of.

I nervously bounce on my toes as I watched the large projection. So far Kenny and Kenna had successfully passed three checkpoints and were racing toward their fourth task. I looked to the other guys.

"This is the fourth task coming up right?" I questioned. Kyle nodded counting on his fingers.

"One, kill and cook your own meal. Two, a quick game of wits where one teammate had to answer questions about the others life, which your stalker friend did perfectly and three, prune a tree to look like something, our friends decided it'd be funny to trim the tree to look like a cock."

I nodded as Kyle spoke. I'd seen all that and found my friends antic amusing. Yet, my nerves for them had me brain underperforming. I tilted my head to one side and rolled my eyes back deep inside my skull as I heard the annoying female from the morning.

"Who the fuck is she?" I growled, motioning toward the patience testing girl. Tweek who was standing in creepy proximity to me laughed.

"Oh man…ughhh. That's Wendy…dude she's a total fucking bitch." He explained. I nodded before fighting through the crowd to reach her.

"I'm serious you guys this is wrong, yes, they're doing ok but if they win, there is no bragging rights for South Park, she's not from here." Wendy preached as she stood before a small gathering

I scoffed as I heard her preachy little voice. Tweek was right, she was a total fucking bitch. And that was enough reason for me!

"Hi Wendy!" I chirped, waiting for her to shoot a nasty glare my way.

"What do you-" she screamed as I grabbed a handful of her hair and started dragging her away from the group. I waved at the guys, "I'm going for a walk with Wendy, you keep rooting for Kenny and my home bitch!"

Kyle gaped, "dude, what?"

"Hey Tweek, come hither and spend some quality time with me and the bitc- I mean Wendy." I gave her a sharp tug, and ignored her insolent shrieking.

Tweek beamed when he heard his name called, but he looked at Wendy and hesitated before following.

"Where are you dragging me you barbaric, inhumane, Canadian!" Wendy all but cried. This was why long haired bitches were my favorite; they came with their own leash.

Tweek knocked into my side as he lowered his voice, "what are we doing with her?"

I gave a grin and pointed towards the fence that was coming into view, "Wendy wants the bragging rights, so let's put her in the game!"

"She could accidently get killed, oh man." Tweek hissed, but I swore I saw a smirk.

Wendy's yelling stopped, and she lagged behind me in exhaustion as she clutched her head.

"Cute isn't she? Maybe we can keep her as a pet after. Tweek, help me with a boost so I can toss her over."

Kenny's POV –

I grasped Kenna's hand as we raced through the scrub. We now stood before the clue sign. But couldn't see the clue. We stared, toward each other, around the forest, back to each other, upward then back to one another.

"Fuck." We said at the same time after noticing the clue box was up the tree. I sighed as I slowly began to climb. I glanced back toward the small, dark clad girl.

"Guard the area…I think we're first." I ordered. I climbed almost effortlessly and then was struck by an arrow. I shrieked as I fell down, moving fast. Then it happened, I hit the ground. Wait, no I'd landed on something soft breaking my fall. I checked where the arrow had lodged. In my arm, just a surface wound.

"Who the fuck do you think you are: Katniss Everdeen?! Who really fights in this shit with twigs and a bow. Fuck you!" I hear Kenna ranting.

So if I didn't fall on my partner, who did I land on? I thought. I stood up calling Kenna to me. She walked over and laughed, folded over clutching her stomach. Two other players lay under me, not moving and they didn't look to be breathing. I quickly scanned the clue before I became startled.

"ELIMINATED." A voice sounded over the forest and I grinned, embarrassed my face shone red.

"Well rather me than Cartman landing on them, they would've turned to mincesteak if it were him." I chuckled. I clutched Kennas hand again leading her to the checkpoint; we arrived and jumped eagerly on the mat.

I leaned in close kissing the girl I called friend. She struggled and slapped at me until I pulled away. I smiled as I flashed her the clue.

_Challenge Four –_

_Kiss or Kill: if you found this clue it is your clue. Read it, keep it to yourself and run toward the checkpoint with your partner. Once there it will be your choice; will you kiss your partner or kill them. Make a decision._

Kenna nodded as the official began to speak.

"Since eliminating other honorable contestant with your ample bootay when fall from tree we now pronounce you winners of the games." He stated. I glanced at Kenna and shook my head. I'd only just noticed all the officials were Japanese.

Before we could celebrate Cartman stormed from the bushes holding a crossbow, cocked and ready to fire. He knocked me over and pointed the weapon in my face. Kenna surged forward to attack but Cartman pushed her away. The petite Canadian flew through the air, he unsheathed a blade and swung it wildly above her head. She stopped suddenly sitting on the officials chest, her two swords sticking out of him.

"Oh my god, you killed the official." I mumbled. Cartman looked up.

"You crazy bitch." He muttered as we watched her stand up and pull her blades from the body and wipe them on the sleeve of her coat. I turned back to Cartman.

"We won fatass, it's over." I began to explain. Cartman pushed his foot against me harder.

"You don't win you fucking poor waste of breath. I win." Cartman snapped. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever Cartman." I said exasperated.

A loud whirl sounded overhead. Chugging along, moving closer to us. I looked up planting my sight on a helicopter. The helicopters slowly closed in and eventually landed nearby. An Asian man jumped out dressed in golden robes. He snapped his fingers and pointed at me. Two men in full combat suits came and grabbed me throwing me on the plane. I had no clue what was happening, but I'd survived the games to be taken away. I felt cheated, I figured I was about to be killed.

Cartmans POV –

The man in gold took that poor son of a bitch away. I looked up into his face and smiled sweetly.

"Honorable Cartman san. This was all a scam so Japan could get back the Princess Kenny. There was no money, just a good idea for an entertaining show ending in the desired outcome." He announced.

I cocked my head and smirked.

"C'mon you're fucking with me?" I asked. The man nodded. I glared up toward him.

"So you're telling me all this fucking bullshit was to make a show for you sick Japanese fucks to jack it to as you watch kids suffer, all to get a crossdressing freak Kenny back in your country!" I ranted. The man nodded his hands pressed together politely.

"You've got it correct. We in Japan enjoy torture shows; we're always offering cash prizes as incentive to get stupid people to play. Greed is a perfect sin. Also when it comes to our Princess Kenny, we have a big strip club opening in Japan. We need his beautiful face and perky ass to entice men to come spend big." He informed me.

I looked to the sky and lifted my arms. I took a deep breath.

"Noooooooooooooo! Oh fuck no. God why do you fuck me? You should've at least offered to buy me a drink before fucking me this time!" I said flipping out.

The man boarded the helicopter and they flew away as I continued ranting about god fucking me. Kenna softly laughed from behind me.

It had all been crap, I'd followed the group I'd begun to call KK through the forest all day hoping to get the cash prize and it was all bullshit. Nothing was gained from my efforts and now Kenna and I had to find our way back to South Park and our friends. Once I'd finished my breakdown I got up, the two of us walking through the forest.

"Well Cartman, you didn't get anything but I got these fucking awesome swords and I saved Kenny's gun for when he gets back." Kenna stated. I mocked her by mimicking her squeaky voice. She stopped and glared at me. I laughed.

"Move your skank ass hoe, we gotta get home before it's dark. My mom's making potpie tonight." I explained. Kenna walked, her feet dragging through the thick grass below.

"Nice, Vi and I are gonna make Kenny's family poutine." She said. I shook my head.

"I don't know what that means and I probably, no wait definitely don't give two steaming piles of pig shit. Wait, without Kenny around will they still let you stay?" I questioned. Kenna stopped looking into space her eyes widened.

"I don't know." She whispered. I laughed.

"Well if they kick you out you always have a place at my house…I've always wanted maids." I announced.

Kenna picked up a stone flinging it at me. She hit me on the head and I blacked out. When I woke up we were back in South Park. Our friends surrounding us cheering. I stood up and stared in wonder.

"How'd I get back?" I asked. Vi smirked.

"You pissed off the wrong girl. She knocked you out then had to drag your worthless ass all the way back to town." Vi explained. I looked to Kenna somewhat humbled by the fact she'd saved me.

"Well I would've had some help if Wendy wasn't such a worthless diva whore." Kenna shouted the crowd laughing and pointing to Wendy.

I stared on in shock. "What happened?" I asked.

"Someone had thrown this useless waste of cum over the fence, I stumbled across her as I dragged your ass through the dirt. I figured I'd have help but she flatly refused. Fuck good for nothing. I hate people like her, all talk no action." She added.

Vi and Kenna began to chatter amongst themselves. Devilish grins replaced both girls usually soft expressions. I cleared my throat hoping to gain back their attention.

"Thanks…how can I repay you for saving my life?" I asked. Kenna looked toward the others and smirked.

"Maybe by eating less pot pie fat tits, so the next time I'm stuck with you and have to beat you unconscious because you won't shut your nasty fucking mouth you'll be easier to drag having lost some of that fat from your ass." She snarled. The crowd erupted in laugher. I stared them down fists clenched at my sides.

"Screw you guys, I'm going home." I said waddling off toward my mom's place.

Kenny's POV -

Resting my knees on my head, I took a deep breath. For once I was shocked I wasn't on the floor dead, with some kind of weapon protruding from me. It had been an entire week and yet nothing. No fires, or bombs, or tsunami's, or accidental deaths!

Standing up I grinned gleefully, somewhat okay with my predicament.

Looking into the mirror, I fixed my blonde wig and applied some lipstick.

I was adorned in a short princess dress that exposed my pink hello kitty thong, and had on some pretty tall fuck me heels.

The japanese had kidnapped me to be their princess Kenny, whore and burlesque dancer extrordinair. I was in the dressing room ogling the naked bodies of some of the other dancers and sluts, realizing I may have been prettier then most of them.

"And now! Introducing your favorite spot light dancer! Give it up foooo Princess Kenneh!" a japanese announcer screamed out, and that was my cue.

Stepping out from behind the curtains I gave a saucy smile as I strutted down the catwalk and towards the center pole.

I had made so much money in the last week I was actually considering making this a profession. The spaztic j-pop changed into something that sounded like a persian flute and I couldn't help but moan at my secret weakness.

Grinding on the pole, which I was a natural at, men cheered me on as I shimmied to the floor. These heels made my legs look miles long, and they had even been freshly waxed. I was a classy motherfucking princess.

"Come on baby, Princess Kenny wants your money." I purred under my breath as balled up bill's were stuffed into my panties.

Hell, I wish I knew the japanese to American currency rate, considering how there was hardly any room for my boys in these tiny hello kitty death traps.

Staring at my audience, I always saved the best move for last, when i'd flash my nipples and have them exploding in their freshly pressed slacks.

Taking a step forward I yelped as my foot landed wrong, the heel breaks and causing me to tumble backwards. I closed my eyes as I felt my head impact the pole, and I knew it would kill me instantly, because that's just what happened to Princess Kenny McCormick.

As my eyes fluttered shut for death number unknown, there were only two things on my mind.

One, that's I'd be able to see my two canadian chick's off for their last few days.

And two, stuffing an entire weeks worth of whore money between my balls had been a complete fucking waste of time.

I shoudda spent the dough when I had the chance.


End file.
